Nov 12, 2010

T & A

This is a slightly serious post, and I suggest my couple of male readers will be totally disinterested with "Do I look fat?" talk, so move along. 

Let's talk body image ladies.

The other day in Jazzercise (don't snicker, it burns more calories for me than running and involves "sexy walking"- try it and you'll be addicted!), I was looking at the girl in front of me.  She was about my height but probably 20 pounds lighter.  Basically the size I was when I was a freshman in high school.  Waif-like yet toned.  I started daydreaming about how nice it would be to have a figure like that.  I wouldn't have to layer on the heavy duty sports bras at the very least.  I could wear button ups, and pencil skirts without looking like a slut bucket.

Most of the time, I'm pretty content with my body.  Don't misunderstand me, I wouldn't mind losing five pounds or so, but I think that's pretty normal.  I like to exercise, and I like to eat lots of fruits and veggies.  As long as I keep those in track, I eat pretty much what I want.  If I was more regimented, I would lose those five pounds, but I just don't care that much.

Anyway, so a group of us were eating dinner, and I said something about how I saw this skinny girl and wanted to lose some weight.  One of my male friends turned to me, and asked why in the hell girls want to be so skinny. Men like curves, he stated.  Girls who look like girls. 

I pondered this.  I feel like girls like to be tiny for other girls.  I know that Hubs has no interest in me being a stick figure.  My trainer once told me he was never going to let me become twig-like, as (a) I wouldn't have a life, (b) I would be grumpy and (c) my figure is cute as it is, now let's just get my body fat percentage down.

So, when I weighed myself this am, and saw the water weight effects of my sodium laced Chinese food extravaganza last night, I tried not to freak out.  Tried being the operative word. Lately, due to the Halloween debacle and plethora of delightfully fun-sized bits of chocolate in the house, a reliance on too much diet coke, and several incidents like the aforementioned moo shu pork, my face is a  bit rounder than normal.  I need to remind myself that I look cute, and a little winter padding never hurt anyone.  However, it's so difficult not to freak out, and start a shame cycle. 

Why do we do this ladies?  I'm in a bad mood because I've gained a couple pounds- that's so ridiculous if you objectively consider that reaction. I should be grateful and proud, instead of envious of others.  I'm never going to be tall and flat-chested. If I was I would probably lament my lack of boobs, instead of celebrating the fact that I can wear anything.  Those body envy moments are thankfully so much rarer than they were in the past, when I was not as strong in my body image as I am now. 

I shoudl be thankful that I have a strong healthy body that does pretty much everything I ask of it. 

Except fit into a size two.

27 comments:

  1. I've noticed so much "I'm so fat!" and just general self-deprecating talk on twitter and blogs lately, that it's nice to see someone say something positive about their body. Good for you!

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  2. I love your candor and honesty here, S... and yes, you're adorable :) I've thought a lot about that too--not only how girls want to be skinny for other girls, but how girls dress for other girls sometimes. What my friends think is cute, and what my guy likes me in aren't always the same thing!!

    Bottom line, make YOU happy. that's all that matters!

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  3. I've discovered the only numbers that matter are your blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. Dress/pant size? RELATIVE. Try on pants at 5 different stores and you'll be a different size in each. Weight? Muscle weighs more than fat. I'd rather weigh more and be strong than weigh less.

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  4. Samma, I love you. Thank you for posting this.

    I totally agree with you, we want to be tiny for other girls! Which is so stupid. I mean, I'm a short little thing with curves--dude, that's never fun to dress, but, that's just how I am. I can make my curves smaller, but, they are never going to go away. I'm becoming ok with that--becoming is the key word here. Ha.

    I think you're gorgeous, sweetie, don't be too hard on yourself!

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  5. Samma, i just had a mental break down 2 weeks ago to my hubs about this, especially after baby #2. He was like, I don't get it, you look amazing. And you shouldn't worry about your butt because it looks great to ME. And that is when it hit me...I am so blessed, I have a husband who thinks I am beautiful (even if it looks like I laid down in a hail storm on my tushy) 2 healthy children and so much to be thankful for. So why am I complaining, again?! I found that feeding my soul, being a mother and wife, making my insides happy, surrounding myself with wonderful friends and fam is what makes me feel beautiful. So I need to stop trying to keep up my college cheerleader figure, just because I "think" that is what people assume I am "supposed" to always look like. Really?! Sorry for long post, but it just really hit home! Big or small, girls all have their vices and FYI...you are beautiful, smart, funny and smoking hot inside and out:) can't wait to see ya soon my dear.

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  6. I love you for posting this. "Fat talk" is awful and gets you nowhere. Love your body for all that it is. That is true happiness. xoxo

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  7. Great commentary. I'm with you...I've found myself doing that a lot lately since I've picked up a little more weight. I've had to simply stop getting on the scale very morning b/c it was depressing me. I'm trying to do portion control and walk the treadmill each night, yet the Halloween candy still calls my name. Yet, I need to not be obsessive about it, especially with an impressionable young daughter in the house. I don't want to mess with your self image. You look great - let's all celebrate ourselves!

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  8. Here, here! I love this post and I think it's so true. Women dress for, diet for, and generally try way too hard for other women. Would I like to be thinner? Sure. But, why? So, I can tell a girlfriend that I'm a size X? As long as I'm a healthy weight I should be happy with it.

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  9. Lovely post, but I really enjoyed your use of the word slut bucket. Personal fave of mine. Email me your address, I have a lowcountry surprise to head your way! I was sending it with Travis but he can't be trusted, and I don't think they are coming up this weekend!

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  10. Oh, you! I know how you feel. I know, I know, I know. We all know. We are our own worst enemies, there's no doubt about it.

    Is it annoying if I suggest throwing out your scale? I've never owned one, and I like it that way. Our clothes are the best indicator for how we're doing weight-wise, so why suffer through the angst associated with numerating water and PMS weight on the scale? It's just not worth it.

    In the bigger sense, and as a fellow curvy girl, I know that feeling of looking at the lean, angular girls and imagining what if. And I know my body isn't made to look like that - it won't look like that unless something has gone wrong. Your trainer was right. We all see the grass as greener. That long and lean girl gracefully wearing button-down shirts (oh, how I wish I could!)... how much do you want to bet she looks at you and is envious of your curves?

    Be healthy, be happy, be YOU. If we could all subscribe to this, the world would be such a happier place, don't you think?

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  11. Sigh. Body image is probably the hardest thing we ladies deal with. I have a theory: most of the other obstacles have been tackled (suffrage, stumbling towards equality in the workplace, acceptance of life paths other than being stay at home moms if thats not what we want etc) by previous generations of women. And this is what we're left with. Societal expectations related to beauty/body image will be our defining struggle.

    There is an unfortunate convergence of trends that adds to our plight. 1)The over-sexification of the media which leads us to believe that we should be both national merit scholars and victoria's secret models at the same time. 2)The total breakdown of food and nutrition behaviors for our culture leaving more of us fat that ever before - all coming together with the birth of social media where we can add more pressure on ourselves for a wider audience.

    I don't have advice - I don't have this figured out for myself. I think very few of us do. But it sounds like you're doing all the right things :) Just take a deep breath and find peace in the thought that our Mothers had their struggles, and our daughters will have their own too. At least our struggles aren't over if we're legally able to own property or to vote?

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  12. I would also add that the skinny girl you were admiring probably does not realize she is skinny. When I was a tiny waif (high school), I hated my body, felt fat and longed for boobs. I look back at pictures and am shocked at how adorable I was. I had no idea at the time.

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  13. I totally relate. In my ideal world I would be 15 lbs lighter, back to my 'fighting weight' I like to call it. But all honesty I just want to be another 5 lbs lighter. I don't understand why dress size = happiness for me but it does. Great Post.

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  14. I know exactly what you mean... and on the same token if I step on the scale and find that I've lost a pound or two my mood shoots up through the roof. How ridiculous is that?

    I blogged a while back about how my mother offered me 1000 dollars to lose weight... and that post is the reason I no longer allow anonymous comments. People had some really awful things to say to me... THank goodness I have thick skin, because people are MEAN.
    Yeah I could def. stand to lose a little but I am HEALTHY.

    I did "weigh-in wednesday" blog posts for a while, but decided to stop (also after the rude anons). I graduated from law school. I am smart, funny, have great friends, and do really cool stuff all the time. WHY was I spending so much time talking about my weight?! It's silly. Not to say I don't still think about it, but I decided I have better things to blog about than my neverending battle of the bulge.

    Good post, you are sooo not alone.

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  15. Samma,
    This is a great blog. And the responses are wonderful. You know I have weight issues and yet I love to cook good healthy food and then, of course, to eat it. If I could learn better portion control I would be better off. After being in Italy for 2 weeks and seeing very few overweight Italians, I realize that our overly processed food is one big culprit. The only obese people I saw there were Americans and then when I got to the Atlanta airport I was overwhelmed by fat Americans. Just be glad that you are healthy, active and NOT overweight. I think the response about tossing the scale and making sure your clothes are not getting tight is the best advice here. Unfortunately body image is a big bugaboo for our sisters and we have to be strong to overcome negativity. Love you just the way you are...of course, I envy your size way too much!!
    Your Mama

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  16. This is a great post and I am with you! I truly believe that magazines, movies, tvs and society put this notion into our heads on what is pretty, sexy and what is not. Sadly, we are women who believe this therefore, we end up starving ourselves to be a certain weight, size etc...

    Love that you brought this topic up! :)

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  17. This is a great post and I am with you! I truly believe that magazines, movies, tvs and society put this notion into our heads on what is pretty, sexy and what is not. Sadly, we are women who believe this therefore, we end up starving ourselves to be a certain weight, size etc...

    Love that you brought this topic up! :)

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  18. This is a great post and I am with you! I truly believe that magazines, movies, tvs and society put this notion into our heads on what is pretty, sexy and what is not. Sadly, we are women who believe this therefore, we end up starving ourselves to be a certain weight, size etc...

    Love that you brought this topic up! :)

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  19. FANTABULOUS post about "weighty" issues!!! You are just perfect and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy. In my opinion, waif-like frames are out of fashion (and should totally stay there)!!! Xoxo-BLC

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  20. I was just talking about this to one of my friends at work. I told her that my motto (I actually heard this on Oprah a LONNNNNG time ago) is that when you are the only naked girl in the room, a guy doesn't care what you look like! I think it's so true that we try to be skinnier for ourselves and other girls!

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  21. Girl I am telling you. We all feel it! I agree with the comment above that the skinny girl probably doesn't realize she is skinny. The only time I "knew" I was skinny was when I was in high school and was severely underweight because of stomach ulcer. I couldn't eat anything and when I did my body immediately threw it up because my stomach hurt so bad. I am a happy healthy weight right now but since starting back to grad school I've struggled. I don't own a scale but I will start to feel bloated and gross and get upset. M gets so mad and tells me I'm being ridiculous because he thinks I'm beautiful. One of his favorite things to do is hand me something to eat and say "Gotta fatten you up. __________ Holiday is almost here." He finds himself hilarious btw.

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  22. This is such a great post! I feel like you a lot of the time...I'm happy where I am but I wouldn't mind losing 5+ pounds. And yes, mainly for other women. My husband doesn't want me to be super thin, he likes curves! It's crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves to be something that's not natural. Your trainer's right - I'd rather be the size I am now and have a life (and be in a good mood) than waif thin. Cheers! I'm heading off to get another brownie!

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  23. You said slut bucket. I love you just as you are! Buy a juicer and have a Green Nellie Monster on occasion to kick you back into gear (see my post today) and don't be hard on yourself. It could also be from the Scary Larry Egg and Noodle soup mess that June-ya-Leaguer concocted. So, drop a little sodium and walk tall on your beautiful mountain paths and shake it off. You are wonderful, wonderful!!! xoxo

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  24. Like Maggie I use my clothes to determine if I have been chowing down a little too much. I am busty too and wish I could dress like the flat chested models, but it's not gonna happen no matter how much dieting. Thanks for your honesty and a thoughtful post. I think you have a great style and obviously know how to dress to flatter your (very cute) figure!

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  25. Remembering always to concentrate on yourself, not others, in body image, faith, and life in general is the best way to be. Being 'thin' can be the result of a medical condition and so can 'not being thin.' It's all relative. Always remember "you cannot walk in someone else's shoes" for any reason, especially self image.

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  26. Great post, girl. I hear you - this fall has been tough. With football games and candy and more I know my face is a little rounder too and I've been trying to fight the shame cycle. I needed top read this today - GREAT post.

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  27. Wish we could all silence that voice sometimes! I am trying real hard not to worry about my "post bambino" weight, but it's tough. Thanks for the post. xo

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