OH HI!

I'm just doing a little sun bathing.

Mysteries and Cheese Toast

So you're awake at four o'clock in the morning. . .I firmly believe all that tossing and turning has burned so many damn calories, that only carbs mixed with some cheese and butter will remedy that deficit and soother you to sleep.  Along with a good mystery or two. . .

Someone asked me what I have been reading lately.  I have been on quite the mystery thriller kick lately, and have several set in the South to recommend to y'all.

First off- A Little Death in Dixie by Lisa Turner
Set in Memphis, this twisty Southern Gothic follows the case of a troubled, alcoholic society woman who has disappeared, and the cop who is trying to find her.  I ordered this on my Kindle randomly based on good reviews, and loved it.  It's an excellent balance of literary and suspense- you can't stop reading, yet you aren't losing brain cells.

Next are the novels of John Hart-
I picked up the King of Lies based on Pat Conroy's ringing endorsement, and the fact Hart is a recovering lawyer.  I tore through it, took a slight fluff break (warning, Hart's books are excellent, but not without large amounts of angst), then finished up The Last Child yesterday.  I liked The Last Child even more- actions, twists, and an intriguing mystery.  I'm terrible at book reviews, so check the reviews on Amazon and get back to me!  Hart's newest novel, The Iron House, comes out mid July, and sounds very promising.

I've been filling out my murder and mayhem with Bossypants by Tina Fey, and Rob Lowe's bio, both of which are quick fun reads.

 Also, loved Spoiled by the Fug Girls, for my dose of summer YA, downloaded onto the Kindle so i can pretend I am reading works from the literary canon. 

Hmmm, in other fluffy reading, I enjoyed The American Heiress by Daisy Goodwin, set in the Gilded Age, and full of intriguing period detail.

Okay, that's all the insomnia fueled books recommendations I have. . .any good ones I need to check out?  The lack of summertime television means I need more books than normal. . .

The Future is Now!

So to celebrate Anna and Andy's return from their Watermoon, I'm sharing some of Virge's pictures of their wonderful nuptial weekend.  I miss all my Georgia gals so!

Look at the tiny tiny bride at the rehearsal dinner at Farm.  I had two plates of food (shhh, it was organic, and locally sourced, so calorie free, right?).  We had a wonderful time laughing at toasts and each other.  Hubs had to stay home, as he had to attend his godson's christening, so I was on my own (surrounded by my closest friends).

Blogger just decided to erase the remainder of my post.  I have neither the time or energy to recreate my prose, so enjoy these pictures, and tell me all about your weekends!  Mine was a bit more relaxed than the wedding weekend- birthday dinner, naps by the pool, and convincing Hubs to see Bad Teacher with me (victory!).

Lazy Days

I apologize for my spotty posting, but I have been too boring for words.  This heat has gotten to me, and my main activity has been lolling.  Too hot to cook, I am subsisting on chicken salad and slices of tomato (which has been quite pleasant).  The heat is making me so indolent, I can't even manage to go down to the dock and get the boat going.  Nope, the pool is enough movement for me, thankyouverymuch.

I keep staring at the weeds in my flower beds. I have promised myself that when the zinnias start to bloom, I'll weed.  Right now it might be too much effort to discern my seedlings from the weeds.  I'm telling y'all- this heat and humidity has gone to my brain.

However, I did have a fabulous weekend in Athens last weekend celebrating Anna and Andy's nuptials.  It was so beautiful, relaxed and an all around wonderful time.  I can't wait to show y'all pictures of the beautiful bride- we all decided she put Kate and Pippa to shame. Right now it's just too hot to download pictures though. . .maybe I'll peruse my book then get back to y'all.

Scenes from East Tennessee

So last night I decide to pop in McKay's to kill a little time.  Now that it's summer, the place is always packed with hill people, as all the surrounding counties come to the metropolis that is Knoxville to do their shopping.  However, I cannot blame this incident on a Cocke Countian, as the person in question had Knox County plates.

I roll in, and attempt to pull in a parking spot.  Unfortunately, it's obstructed by an old Jimmy's door being held open by a barefooted leg.  While waiting for her to withdraw her leg, I notice that the door is open to allow better ventilation of the cigarette the nineteen year old is puffing.  I pull up, hop out, and give the leg-withdrawer a tentative smile, as to say "Thanks for unobstructing my parking spot! Hugs!"  She nods back, and I notice the laminated Jack Daniels label hanging from her rear-view, cigarette puffage is continuing,  and there is a newborn baby sitting in someone's lap WAILING in the front seat!  Probably crying over the demise of its lungs.

I would have taken a picture for y'all, but girl was likely to up and key my car if she saw me.
I began to mourn my fellow Appalachian Americans, but then I remembered glimpses of programs on Bravo and MTV, and realize that at least the girl was out of high school (or else looked real old for her age), and wasn't screaming like a banshee or throwing a hissy like some of those Housewives are wont to do. . .I guess trashy people are just all over the place.  It might be a pandemic of trash.  Please don't become infected- my sense of decorum cannot handle anymore!

Poor Buddy!

The is not actual Buddy, but Dug from Up.  Buddy would not allow himself to be featured in today's post.

My poor little guy has been in the cone of shame for a week.  He still has another week to go, and is chafing under its limitations.

As am I- the back of my legs are covered in tiny bruises from being rammed by the cone.  Buddy explained that if the cone was gone he would not have to ram me, but I was not persuaded.  I picture Dug here, instead of my pupster, because he flat out refused to have a picture of him in the cone of shame on the interwebs.  So embarrassing!

So, let's hope those nasty allergy-induced hot spots on his cute little face heal up quickly, and some peace returns to our household.  I don't know how long I can take the cone of shame. . .

Summer Nights

Painting by Jim Embry

When I was little, our house was more out in the country than the present.  It has not moved, but the subdivisions have slowly began to encroach, and replace the woods full of scrub pines with neighborhoods with faux English names and references to the former farms and trees.  It's progress I know, replete with access to city water, but I prefer the trailers and well water myself.

So growing up without a neighbors, I missed out on the joy of summer nights running around the neighborhood.  Luckily, I could have slumber parties with friends when I needed to get my dusk game of hide and go seek or sardines in, so I wasn't completely deprived.

I adore walking Buddy just before dark, when the temperature is palatable, and the lightning bugs are beginning to wink their hellos.  The smell of Dale's is omnipresent, wafting from backyard steaks and burgers.  I trot along, as Buddy sniffs for squirrels and bunnies, waving at people out watering their flowers, and kids zooming around on bright bikes.

Yep, summer is here, and I am joyful!

Wishing I Was Here

Or rather, wishing our dream lake-house and dock was already completed.  Maybe I will win the lottery (even though I have never bought a lottery ticket).  If I did, you would wind down this kudzu strewn gravel road, to this. .

Instead of the current half gravel, half dirt road which end ups here.

However, the most important part is already in place-

Now we just need this-

So someday our Tideland Haven will be built, and there will be kids and dogs and boats and coolers and wet bathing suits all over the place.  Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?

The Coke Cure

When I was a child, a woman sitting a couple pews ahead of us in church, had a hypoglycemic attack due to diabetes.  Someone rushed down to the old Coke machine in the basement and brought her a Coke upon a doctor in the congregation's orders. Once she had the sugar from the Coke, the woman perked up considerably and all was well from my child's eyes.

This experience has led to strong belief that a cold coke can cure most ailments. Especially when you got kind of woozy when the temperatures are hitting nigh 100 every day.  You know that point in the afternoon when a headache comes on, and you just feel a little woozy?  Or you have been out running errands all morning, and just start feeling a touch faint.

Level One is:
1. cold diet coke over ice
2. with a straw

Level Two:  If that doesn't work, one must upgrade to a real coke.  Poured over ice, with a straw.

Level Three:  Still not well?  Check your ice.  Rabbit pellets might be what you need.

Level Four:  If peakedness continues, a real coke in a bottle is necessary. 

If all else fails, proceed to Level Five- homemade vanilla coke, with real coke, over rabbit pellet ice, with a straw.  Mmmmm.  I might be feeling a bit peaked right now, and have to make a run to Long's Drugstore for my coke cure.

The other Sunday morning, feeling a bit weak, after a engagement party and birthday party the night before, faced with the prospect of 10 wild 4 and 5 year old boys, I made a mad dash to the coke machine in the basement.  The cokes are no longer a quarter, nor are they in glass bottles.  However, it still did the trick.  I was ready to face the hordes of crazed boys with a smile.

In college, my daily Diet Coke consumption was measured in gallons.  I've gotten it down to one a day now, but it is a necessary part of my day.  A medical necessity, right?

Looking Good and Showing off My Ass-ets

So I have to impart to y'all this horrifying incident which happened to me last Tuesday.  Running errands during lunch like mad in preparation for Brother's wedding, I was feeling rather spiffy. Hair was freshly done, and I was (for once) wearing an absolutely darling lady lawyer outfit.  Black and white Hounds-tooth pumps, with just a smidgen of peep toe, sleeveless black dress with a stylish cowl neck collar thing, crisp white button up underneath, pearl, gold chain and black ribbon super-fashionable statement necklace, and a skinny black patent leather belt.  To contrast, today I am wearing a black knit shift dress and black flats.

So, yeah, pretty darn spiffy.  Others were noticing too.  I was getting lots of appreciative looks as I strutted into Earthfare to pick up a salad and piece of pizza. I flipped my freshly blown out locks, just for the hell of it. Ladies- I was working it.

Until the tap on my shoulder as I waited in line.

"Excuse me, honey?"

"Yes Ma'am?" I politely respond to the nice older lady standing behind me.  Maybe she is going to ask where I got my hair cut, or purchased my darling shoes.

"Do you know your slit in the back of your dress is ripped up pretty high?"

My mouth agape, and unable to speak, I frantically grope the back of my dress.  I must have snagged the slit on something, because it now extended all the way to the waist of my undies (which thank you baby Jesus were grannies, and not, gasp, pantyhose or a thong).

I finally stutter out some thanks for alerting me to my situation.  Still frozen with horror I watch as she fishes around her pocketbook for a safety pin, to no avail.  Finally I thank her again, scurry away in a very ungainly fashion, while trying to clutch my dress closed.

Once I get into the safety of my vehicle, I take a deep breath, and burst into laughter.  Thank God I was not in a client meeting, or even at work.  I headed home, switched out my dress for a more appropriate look and went about my day.

If YM was still around, and I was 12 I would have written in, as this was definitely a "Say Anything" type of embarrassing incident.  Any such incidents happen to y'all lately?

Wedding Weekend!

So we had a glorious time down at Reynolds Plantation celebrating the nuptials of Brother and Em.  Above is a sneak peek of AK's amazing photography of the occasion- I'm dying to see more.

We had a lovely bridesmaid luncheon by the pool.  That's Em in the white, with the enormous hat.

Then Mama and I scurried off to complete the rehearsal dinner preparations.  It rained off and on on Friday, clearing up about an hour before the dinner, so the outdoor plans had to be scrapped.  This was probably for the best, since the hotel was screening a Disney movie on a giant screen by the pool, about 30 feet away from the dinner spot.  Mama is deaf as a post, and rather, hmmm, lax about sporting her hearing aids.  Since the movie was reportedly quite loud, she, as well as many others, would have been completely clueless as to the wise words of all the toasts (although well versed in the musical stylings of Mandy Moore in Tangled).

I'll be sure to fill y'all in on the wedding as soon as I get some pictures.  It was smooth sailing, and wonderful all around.  The only glitch is when Brother and Em return from their honeymoon.  Some friends decided to celebrate another night, and the newlywed's home now looks like this-

Since I'm house sitting, I have got to get this cleaned up before their return.  Any suggestions?  I do think it looks quite bridal and magical, but think Em won't be so inclined. Hee.