Oct 25, 2011

Giving Up Your Worry

So, I had grand plans of sharing with y'all a delicious meatloaf recipe that involves three (!) types of pig, but my mind is so full right now with another matter, that comfort food will have to wait.

Yesterday, I went in for my 25 week ultrasound.  Remember that I have been having scans every two weeks, due to the heart-shaped uterus.  This week, the doctor became a trifle concerned about the baby's growth.  The problem is not that I have a small baby (genetically, I will have a small baby- I was teeny, and am not a very big person now), but that the baby's growth has been dropping percentiles over the past couple of months.  Then the doctor noticed that my umbilical cord has two vessels instead of three.  In itself, this can be fairly common, and is not a huge cause for concern.  However, combined with the growth dropping, and my wonky uterus, well. . .I'm heading to the high risk doctors (who I had to see about cerclage possibility in the first trimester) tomorrow.

So, I am sitting there with Hubs, trying not to freak out, a strained smile on my face as I ask what this means.  I'm a lawyer- I need to know ramifications, people!  If the bean is having trouble growing inside of me, they will likely pump me full of steroids to speed its lung development, and I will give birth around 34 weeks- a Christmas baby! (note, get cracking on the nursery ASAP).

Now, the reason I hesitated to post any of this is that we don't know much right now.  We could check everything out tomorrow on the high-risk doc's super-duper ultrasound machine, and the baby could have completely different measurements.  Especially since it's a wiggler, the measurements can be imprecise.  Or, the doctor could have something completely different to say.

So, after my slight breakdown yesterday (which I am allowed, hormones and mama instincts call for tears), I feel positive!  I am so blessed that I live in a city where I can go up a floor from my doctor to see the high risk doctors.  If the baby has a hard time after it is born, they just whisk it under the street via a direct tunnel to Children's Hospital.  Also, it's a good thing that I have the previous complications leading to all these scans- otherwise we would likely not know about any of this.  So, although I did sleep a restless dream-filled slumber last night, I gave up my worry to God.  I am trying to release it to him every time I feel it creeping back into my thoughts.  It's difficult for sure.  I want to dwell, and dissect, and scare myself with various outcomes.  However, beyond knowing that it's not going to do me any good, I know it's not going to do the baby any good.  Law, I think I'm becoming a mama already.

I will be sure to let y'all know what the doctors say tomorrow.  Now, to end on a cheerful note, here's a picture of me holding one of Peg's triplets after their baptism Sunday (hopefully that baby's adorable smile will distract ya'll from my terrible hair)!

25 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear about your not so great appointment. Hoping and praying that things go well at this next appointment. I'm glad you're staying positive!! Will definitely be thinking about you!

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  2. I hope y'all get good news at the high risk doctor. I will say a prayer for you and bean!

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  3. Praying for you! Hope the doctors have some good solutions to help keep the little one growing :)

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  4. Praying for good news at the high-risk doctor!!

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  5. Oh my goodness Samma, I will be thinking of all all day today. Sending you all my positive thoughts and a huge hug!

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  6. What a positive outlook, that is awesome that you have such great care nearby. Of course I will be praying for your family as well and sending you chill vibes to make it through your next appointment. Wow, a Christmas baby could be so exciting though!

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  7. Sending thoughts and prayers your way for you and the little one. :-0

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  8. I am saying a prayer right now that you will get good news!

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  9. Thinking lots of positive, sparkly, happy, healthy thoughts for baby - and mom and dad today! I'm so glad you're in such good hands! xoxo

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  10. Sending lots of prayers your way for good results at the high risk appt.

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  11. Lots of prayers for baby and you two today!

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  12. I hope your little bean is strong and healthy and you get nothing but good news from the high risk docs. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

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  13. You are in my prayers. You are so right about giving it up to God and knowing the medical expertise surrounding you is excellent.

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  14. You are a strong mama. Keep that positive attitude. I am praying for a good appointment today. God bless technology and all the medical science that is available to you. I am thinking about all 3 of you. xxoo

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  15. Praying for you and your little one, Samma. Please keep us updated. And as scary as it is, these doctors know what they're doing. And wouldn't a Christmas baby just be awesome?!

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  16. i will be thinking and praying for you friend...giving it all to God will only help this situation and you've got a great support system built around you ;)

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  17. Praying for you and your doctors. I know how scary it can be when they start talking about early delivery. What's most important is that your doctors know about this now and you don't get a surprise later.

    Our little one was born five weeks early and while it was hard to see her in the NICU she had amazing care and is now home as a normal baby. Take care of yourself now because you are right when you say that worry will not help. The doctors will do everything they can to keep your bean cooking. :)

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  18. Praying for a healthy baby and peace in your heart.

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  19. Thinking about you and hoping for the best.

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  20. Oh I am so sorry you are going through this. I completely understand how you feel. I am 33 weeks pregnant and when I was 28 weeks I started showing signs of going into labor. I had to have more tests to determine this. Luckiy the tests were negative and I was put on bed rest. But if the test had been positive I would have gone to the hospital for steriods. My husband and I were terified for the first few weeks that I was going to go into labor at any moment. It was really hard at first. Now I've been on bed rest for 5 weeks and our baby is staying put.

    I really hope you have similarily good news and all is OKAY with baby.

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  21. So thankful that you are in such great care with your doctors and with our ultimate Healer. I am continuing to pray for you all and wish I could just come give you a hug. xoxo

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  22. I'm so sorry about the possibly-not-great news. Sending you prayers.

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  23. Heartfelt prayers for you & baby.... God can and will lift this burden from you.

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  24. Thinking of you. We had issues with intrauterine growth restriction at the very end. But they did the scans every week on us as well since we were high risk. Point of this? you'll be amazed at what they can do if they need to. You and your baby are in good hands :)

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