Jan 7, 2010

Sassy The Muppet

For some reason I have a tendency to get really crappy gifts.  I know this sounds whiny and ungrateful (because it is), but I am a bit picky, and therefore ask people to please not get me gifts for Christmas and the like.  No one listens to me, and I end up with a bunch of crap I don't like.   Furthermore, I can't regift it, except to complete strangers, because everything is so obviously not my taste. 

Hubs either knocks them out of the park, or completely misses.  For example this year for Christmas, I was hoping for (a) a dog- not gonna happen (b) a terrycloth robe- everything is fleece nowadays or (c) a romantic dinner out and saving our money for a big house so I can get (a).  Instead I got:

Sassy the Muppet.  Who is supposed to be me.  Cute, huh?

No, it's really fucking creepy (excuse my language, but this creepiness demands f-bomb dropping).

Imagine glancing around your room and seeing this staring at you out of the corner of your eye-


Keep in mind, this thing cost about the same as a pair of Revas (which I have always wanted but never allowed myself to buy- insane I know).

That brings me to the worst gift I have ever gotten.  My mama is not a big giver on Christmas, preferring Happy Prizes throughout the year, much like myself.  I understand and appreciate this now, but it has taken some time.  Normally our stockings are stuffed with oranges and mini Reese's cups.  Freshman year of college, I was muttering about the freshman fifteen, and weight gain.  Apparently mama took these half hearted complaints as an imperative.  Pretty much my only gift that year was my stocking, which was filled with. . .

Sodium sticks.  Thanks for caring about my health so much parents.

So now after hearing my rant, and realizing what an ungrateful brat I am, I want to hear your present horror stories!  What's the worst gift ever received?


  1. The worst gifts...that would be a Ten Commandments clock (I am Christian, just don't need a clock to display it). And a bag of party supplies for EVERY holiday of the year including Groundhog Day, MOther's Day and Labor Day. I don't decorate with streamers and paper plates, so this went in.the.trash.

  2. That is RIDICULOUS!! You really do have to give him points for creativity, though. Maybe that puppet is your starter pet.

    p.s. I love a good sodium stick every now and again, send some on down to Nashville!

  3. My MIL, bless her heart, gave me a hideous jewelry doll holder last year for Christmas. One of those no-head dolls that stands and has metal sticks coming out everywhere for hanging jewelry? They're great for teens, but I prefer my jewelry boxes. So, I sold it to a consignment shop sometime in 2009, only to then open the exact same gift (albeit a different doll) this Christmas! I guess she forgot she gave it to me. Ha!

  4. I pretty much agree with everything you said here - I am the exact same way.

    My worst gift has to be this necklace my grandma got me this year. It has hot pink gemstones on it and it's butt ugly. Ugh. I wish I could just tell her to get her money back!!

  5. What a funny post! The Slim Jims are just gross! Yuck.

    I've gotten my fair share of bad gifts, but my daughter got the worst "re-gift" for her birthday. It was a USED wii game. The disc was completely scratched and the gift giver put it in one of those cd jewel cases, not the original packaging. AHHHHHH!

  6. Hmm, I can't think of the worst gift I've gotten--obviously, I've blocked it from my mind, but, I will share the worst Christmas gift giving year--for real, it was not good. This was maybe 2-3 years ago, my much younger half sister was taking art classes, so guess what EVERYONE got for Christmas? Her "art". My husband and I received a mousepad with her "art", two framed "originals" and a mug. Now, I understand giving out your children's "art" to grandparents and such because normally, they can't get enough of their little ones, but, giving it to her much older (15 years older) half sister and half sister's husband? Instead of actual gifts? When we were dirt poor and actually needed the things we asked for? Not cool. This was also the year that my grandma mislabeled the gifts, thus my half sister getting $200 and me and the husband getting a combined $20. And no one bothered to think "hmm, maybe the $200 is for A & J--not the 7 year old!". Nope, the little 7 year old got $200 f-ing dollars.

    Wow, I'm a total bitch aren't I?

    (I should also mention that this year the half sister got at least two grand dropped on her Christmas gifts, and I, the one supporting THREE adults on ONE salary? I got running pants. Which I needed, but, seriously. SERIOUSLY.)

    OK, bitching over.

    Thanks for listening.

  7. This year - I got an assortment of cheeses from my mother. Pretty tragic! Especially when my older (black sheep of the family) sister got a pure breed Siamese CAT as her Christmas present! I think I am happier with just the cheese come to think of it!

  8. This sounds so bad, but my fiancee and I went back to his hometown (probably the third time since being engaged) and his aunt (who really is super fabulous and adorable) decided to give us an engagement gift. I am completely with you on the no Christmas crap thing...
    Our engagement gift was a cheese tray/knife that looked like a peppermint/candycane with grosgrain ribbons tied to the handles. Even worse, it was porcelain (or something breakable) and we had to find a way to fly it home without it breaking.

  9. Adorable poor Samma with the creepy Muppet! You amuse me to no end. But here's what I want to know: are YOU a good gifter? I'm remembering your surprise NYC gift and thinking this is an obvious yes. In that case, the mismatch is so sad!

  10. Oh, worst gift: Probably the CASE of crystal glasses monogrammed with a "couples monogram" that isn't ours since I kept my own damn name, thank you very much friends-of-groom-who-don't-listen. What in the hell are we supposed to do with them?

  11. I love this post! It's like you read my mind and said things we aren't allowed to say. Personally, I hate it when people buy me clothes. I know, I know,most women love clothes, but I'm SO picky that I hate shopping with myself! And, then I feel obligated to wear them around the giver of such clothes. Sigh...

  12. I am at a loss for words over the muppet...did he have that made for you? Too funny! Yeah, the Revas would have been the preferable gift, that's for sure. :)

  13. I have an aunt who buys everyones gifts at goodwill which would not be a problem except that she and her husband are millionaires. Also, religious aunt always gives me a biblical picture frame AFTER my mother tells her not to and it usually gets hidden under the couch.

  14. I haven't posted before, but I have enjoyed reading your blog! I think I found you by way of Erin, from Blue-Eyed Bride Anyhow, I feel this way every year, too. My mom and husband both say, "You're so hard to buy for," which is the truth. Luckily my mom sticks to the list I give her or takes me shopping. Two of my best friends are wonderful gift givers who I enjoy buying for and getting gifts from. However, we don't always exchange.

    My husband either knocks it out of the park or really screws up. See this year – I had even given him a small list and a few ideas while out shopping (he requested the list). His main gift to me: A NEW CELLPHONE. He hadn't bought it yet, so he wrapped up a baby cellphone in a giant box (wasting my Martha Stewart wrapping paper). I was devastated for multiple reasons, but mostly for the insinuation that I couldn't buy my own damn cellphone. I have a well-paying job that requires I have a cellphone and get a stipend to cover part of the monthly cost. He said, "Well I thought you could buy like a top of the line one." I had planned on it. I always buy myself the top of the line cellphone that is within reason (I'm on Verizon, so no iPhone for me). Needless to say, I was furious about the gift. Luckily the other smaller gifts were wonderful or he'd have been in deep doo doo.

  15. My Mother in Law is the WORST gift giver EVER. A few years ago she gave us used cutlery. As in the stuff my husband used as a kid growing up and that was over 20 years ago and even then the crap was from K-mart

    Then this year we got the pasta-n-more. The one that is As Seen on TV and came from Walgreens. As if I can't good pasta on the stove. I mean how hard is it to boil water?

  16. Hahaaa..that is HORRIBLE! Have you tried exchanging at the Tory Burch Store for the Reva's? Kind of like Ross trying to return the sofa he tore up and broke in half trying to get up the stairs? lol...XXOO

  17. Next year you just need to buy a pair of Revas and wrap them up and put them under the tree. And then tell your hubs not to buy you anything that you just took care of it! :)

    The puppet will at least be fun for your future kids, but yikes! hahaha. It really is hilarious.

    My dad (as a joke) gives me a box of chocolate covered cherries every year. And I hate chocolate covered cherries. And he knows this. But it isn't his only gift to me, so it's okay.

    So you know how I have a nutcracker collection? My dad gave me a nutcracker every year for Christmas growing up. Now my parents have started a nutcracker collection for Hudson. (I don't like theme decorating either, but the nutcrackers are really fun.)
    What does Todd's mom give me for a Christmas? A nutcracker. WHAT?! First of all, I'm not 6 years old. Second, that's why MY DAD always gave me and he's in the room. No sense at all.

  18. The muppet made me just die laughing.

    Sadly, I am a terrible gift giver and always receive the perfect gift from others. It's embarrassing.

  19. I am laughing out loud at this post! HEElarious! I too am picky - and would rather people save their money than waste it on something I am NEVER going to wear or use.


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