It's Friday and I'm Ready to Swing!

Hopefully this little chick will behave, as I am going out tonight!  This is her first time with a non-grandparent babysitter watching her sleep.  I am going to pump her a bottle for her middle of the night feeding because I am ready for a cocktail!  One will probably set me over the edge, but a ginger margarita from my favorite sushi place is calling to me.  Tequila might have an interesting effect on this sleep-deprived new mama. . .

Any margaritas in the weekend plans for y'all?

Pinterest Overdose and Ensuing Rant

• I have obviously spent WAY too much time on Pinterest lately, because if I see another 
• Cupcake,
• mason jar craft, or
• bookshelf styling tip,

I am going to vomit.

I don't like cupcakes- the icing ratio is way off for my tastes.  Plus, they are EVERYWHERE!  Eat regular cake, people!

Mason jars are useful containers.  However they do not need to be shellacked and dipped in glitter (that goes for pretty much anything after you are above the age of 8, really).

And finally, bookshelf styling.  Gah.  I hate empty bookshelves.  I hate bookshelves which are devoid of books, and filled with random stuff from Homegoods.  Fill your home with things that are special to you, and have meaning.  Not items purchased for an empty space by the truckload.  I feel the same about furniture, and "rooms to go" (the concept, not the store).

Okay, rant over.  Apologies to cupcake lovers, those with mason jar vases attached to their walls, and people with no books.

And I do love that curly hair tutorial!

• Dell Harper is 2 months old today! Check out this grin!

• Who watched Mad Men? I was enthralled, and feeling some kinship with Joan (although I'm not quite ready for the office yet- getting dressed somedays before lunchtime is still quite the hurdle).

• We have a babysitter Friday night- first time someone besides my parents have watched Miss Priss.  I hope she behaves.  Hell, I hope I behave!  Watch out world!

Some Whine With My Cheese

Random things I strongly dislike doing:

1.  Hanging up clothes.  Throwing them on the guest bed is far more efficient, no?

2.  Listening to voice-mail on my cell phone.  Sorry- I currently have 14.  If I have not responded to you in the last couple of days, that is why.  I'm sticking my head in the sand and ignoring you.  Not intentionally though. 

3.  Putting up silverware.  Cups, plates, bowls, I will put away without complaint.  This is not helped by the fact that Hubs is very upset that 2 sets of stainless silverware have gotten mixed together.  He mentions this every time he puts away the clean silverware (emptying the dishwasher is normally his chore).  I have explained that mixed silver does not bother me.  Therefore, I am not going to take the likely 15 minutes it would take to remedy this problem to actually fix it.  Apparently neither is he.  Hmmmm, possible Valentine's Day present?  "Honey, I sorted the silverware!  Love you!"

Things I do like:

1.  A hot bath with a stack of fresh new magazines.
2.  Coming home to a clean house that I didn't clean.
3.  When other people make me sandwiches- they always taste better.

Looking over this post, I can only come to one conclusion. 

I'm incredibly lazy.  I just would rather be laying in bed with a book.  Is that so wrong?

Showcase Showdown

Even though I had a minimal amount of sleep and a couple too many glasses of wine at a birthday dinner the night before, I was ready to hit the streets for Race for Cure Saturday morning.

Brother, Emily, and I raced for the cure.  Then there was brunching, and farmer's marketing, and more golden retriever looking.  Then I hit up AC Moore and got my craft on.  Hubs and I attended a Halloween party which was celebrity themed.  We used a little creative leeway and went as  . . .

 Drew Carey and a Price is Right Contestant!  I also wore a sweatshirt which had my Price is Right name tag on it.  I was especially proud of Hubs' skinny mike which I constructed.

 There were nerds.

 And hated former coaches. Oh, and Fidel Castro in the background.

The night ended with a little leaf jumping.  I was far more prepared in my costume than I had been last week in my game day plaid skirt.  It was a supremely satisfying experience.

Although getting up and out of the pile of leaves was far more difficult than I remember from twenty years ago.

How was your Halloween?  The actual day was a bit of a failure for me (it involves tears), but more on that tomorrow. 

Just In Case

You were thinking, "Gosh, I really need to get Samma a present."  Dear blog readers, I know this goes your head frequently.  Especially those of you who don't know me in real life.  So as I trek down to the mountains of north Georgia for a wedding extravaganza I give you these to contemplate-

This Milly dress (it's on pre-order at Nordstrom, I'll take a size 6 please)

Or, less useful, but just as darling-

This Nanette Lepore number.  (I size down in Nanette, so a size smaller than the Milly, please)

Your choice- either dress would be lovely, thankssomuch! xoxoxo

Oh Dear, Country Wrong

For some reason Blogger decided to delete the entire post I wrote last night.  Not cool, internet.

Here's the gist of it-

Gywneth Paltrow is starring in a movie Country Strong, which comes out first week of January (clunker week).  She is totally weird casting for the part, rant, rant, rant about accents etc.  Her voice sounds fine, but she went to Spence!

It won't embed properly, so please go here.

Who do you think would be better? How great would Miss Cutie Patootie, Rachel McAdams, be??

Project Mondo

Okay Project Runway fans, let's discuss-

Topic Number One-

The Teutonic Princess of  Shorttightshinyburg

Heidi- I think you are super pretty.  Some of my friends have said they would cut off their arm (or hand?) to look like you in a spirited game of would you rather.  I love that you are married to Seal, and that your German subjects call you the Patchwork Family (adorbs).  However, don't mess with Mondo.  For reals.

Thanks Project Rungay for the pics!

I long for this outfit.  I also long for a pint-sized Mondo that I can put in my pocket, and bring out to give sweet shy smiles and festoon me in bold prints.  I'm such a sucker for prints.

Like the Jackie O outfit?  Yes please!

So in last night's dreary challenge, I did see Heidi's point about his initial design.  However, she was such sneering bee-yotch about it, I was immediately up in arms.  However, Hubs thought that Mondo was being a baby, and rude to his client (of course he sides with the supermodel- he does get to say whatever he thinks though since he is sweet enough to watch a fashion reality show with his wife).

Let's look at the actual Heidi Klum for New Balance collection, shall we?

I'm sorry I just drifted off.  Please note the prevalence of belly shirts though. 

This brings me to the battle of the bangs-

HEIDI

vs.

Gretchen

Who is the smugger of the bebanged ladies?  I'm not sure, although I do think Heidi has far greater reason to be smug.  I might be biased because I laughed really hard at her impression of Gretchen last night.

What are your thoughts on these weighty Friday issues?  Who is going to win?  Who do y'all love and hate (ahem Michael C.)?

Burning questions, bloggees.  Burning questions.



Excuses, Grocery Store Feet, Cleaning, Liars, and Blowing Stuff Up

Dear Readers- have you abandoned me to to my terrible neglect?  I wouldn't blame you- it's been practically a week since I have posted a thing!

I could give you all the excuses in the world (work is insane, we close on the house on Friday, and I can't quit with social obligations, and have been going out on the boat instead of dealing with all of the above). . .but I think some random thoughts are far more in order.

1.  I can't stop munching on olives.  My fingers are horrendously swollen- in competition with the thousands of skeeter bites covering my white trash legs.  My trainer remarked on my flea market legs and enquired whether I had grocery store feet as a child.  Why yes, in fact I did.

2.  I am supposed to be cleaning the condo (a) in preparation for putting it on the market, (b) because it is so cluttery and messy that I can't stand it, (c) it's taking me an extra 15 minutes in the morning to get ready because my wardrobe is in such disarray, and (d)  Hubs comes home on Thursday and I like to lord it over him pretend that I am far neater and therefore genetically superior act like I am tidy.

3.  I had a pool party Saturday during the day, and then attended a different pool party Saturday night.  I wore this swimsuit and got tons of compliments from males and females alike.  As a Leo, I thrive on compliments.  Have y'all noticed much?  Hee.  Anyway, it was ideal because I made and partook in pool food (hot dogs, chicken fingers, fries, and watermelon) during the day party, and imbibed quite a number of white wine spritzers that night.  However, the pooch (y'all know what I'm talking about)  was covered by ruching- flattering and comfortable.

4.  Are y'all watching Pretty Little Liars?  It's my teeny bopper addiction which I am currently tuning into instead of hanging clothes and cleaning the kitchen.  For those watchers, is this teacher creepy or what?  Am I too old?

So- I am working on answering all your wonderful questions, packing and gearing up for my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE HOLIDAY IN THE WORLD!!!!

Yes, I love Fourth of July- lake, grilling out, drinking beers, and blowing stuff up.  Most American holiday ever, by damn.  Screw Thanksgiving, I'd take fireworks over turkey any day of the week.

So ladies (and my 2 male readers) fill me in!  What is going on-  4th of July plans?

Barbie Girl

Feast your eyes upon these gorgeous illustrations from Robert Best.  Are y'all Project Runway fans? Robert was a designer on Season 3 who designed clothes for Mattel for Barbie.  Uh, dream job?

If I was still a single lady, prints of these illustrations would adorn my bachelorette pad for sure.  Somehow, I can't see Hubs letting that fly nowadays.  Humph.

Well, the Weirdness Continues

Oh law, I had so many reminders about all the other weird things about me yesterday.  Several friends expressed concern that if you readers knew what a freak show I am, then you would abandon me.  Thanks, ladies, but I know my readers are loyal.  Or at least I hope so!

First of all- the way I hold my writing utensil. It's very ungainly and awkward looking.  You have been warned.

That's my list of things that were brought up to tell y'all about.

1.  Pic of pencil holding- done.

2.  Love for J.Lo and Beyonce.  I think Miss B. love is not that odd, because, I mean- she sings, invents dances and is married to a gangsta superstar who introduced Pharrel into my life.  Perfectably justifiable.  However, J. Lo?  I don't know- I just adore her.  MOH and Tins share this extreme love of all things Jennifer Lopez. She's from the Bronx, what can I say?

3.  Ah, the dinosaur.  Like I said, I can't burp.  The air has to go somewhere, and it takes a while before reaching your, ahem, other end.  So my stomach makes this noise, which I refer to as the dinosaur.  It's a wonder I've ever kissed a boy, as my tummy tends to begin its cacophony just in that moment when you are about to lock lips.  One of the best moments of all time. . .ruined by the dinosaur.  One sweet boy was very concerned that my tummy was rumbling due to hunger, and started feeding me potato chips.  Mmm , Zapps salt and vinegar make-out session.

4.  I can't snap, whistle or do a cartwheel.  Yeah, coordination is not one of my strong suits.  Hubs can not snap either.  Our poor offspring are either going to be the loudest finger snappers in the world, or made fun of in elementary school.

5.  I am always thirsty and drink a ridiculous amount of water, tea, and any other beverage that's calorie free.  When I was in Africa I drank 12 liters of water a day. 

6.  I refuse to listen to U2 unless it's raining, or night.  I have several other really weird music listening guidelines, but that is the only one which has been brought to my attention based on the former post.  If I think of any more I'll be sure to let you know.

I'm sure my friends will bring about eighty kajillion more quirks to my attention, but that's all y'all are getting.  Have a lovely weekend ladies!

Getting to Know You

So a lot of my friends have been asking me whether you dear blog readers know certain things about me.  Mainly quirky things. . .which it seems composes the majority of my personality.

1.  I never wear pants.  Seriously- pant suits and me look horrible (see Number #8).  I think jeans are extremely uncomfortable. 

2.  I can't burp.  Never have, and the doctors don't know why.  This makes drinking beer and my diet coke addiction rather uncomfortable at times.

3.  I refuse to drink beverages with calories besides alcohol.

4.  I read probably 3 books a week.

5.  I adore going to the grocery store.

6.  If I had my way, I would take a solid 2-3 hour nap every day.  Unfortunately, this lawyer gig gets int he way of my preferred napping schedule.

7.  I detest washing my face at night. . .then complain about my skin being bad.  Honestly, other than drying  my hair, this is my least favorite part of my day. 

8.  My body is shaped like a keg on toothpicks. 

9.  I am not a hugger or a cuddler.  However, I am a very friendly and loving person.  Just not a touchy one- although I've gotten better? 

10.  Hubs was my first serious boyfriend.  Up until the age of 25, I had a double whammy of commitment issue and a predilection for well, not-so-good guys.  Hey- girls just want to have fun, right?

Ha!  I almost forgot the biggest one!

11.  I can't hold my pencil, fork, spoon etc correctly.  My principal tried to hold me back in Kindergarten for this reason, but my parents got me tested and sent me through.  When I was taking the essay portion of the bar exam, the proctor came up to me and said "Samma?  I'm your third grade teacher, Mrs. Chambers!"  Ha!  She recognized me from the way I held my pen.  She said "Yes, when you came into my class, the principal told me you were slow."  (asshole)  "But once we started class I realized you were very bright, just really short."  Um, okay.

So- there's tons more, but it's actually very difficult to think about your own quirks, as they seem normal to you.  What's going on with y'all?  Give me the weird stuff!  I'll me checking and sharing, don't you worry!

Also, comment verification is back on, due to the 300 e-mails I had on my blackberry this morning from "Joe", some spammer.  Asshole.

The picture is from my trip backpacking across Europe with AK and Abby in 2001.  I think it expresses my feelings towards Joe well.

Beach Blanket Bingo

So I have been thinking about this swimsuit from Modcloth for a couple weeks now.

The question is- will I look adorably Betty Draper and classic like these ladies?

Of course Grace and Marilyn make white bathing suits look easy.

Or will I look like an errant, pale, tattooed hipster that has somehow wandered onto the Tennessee River?

Thoughts?  The high waisted aspect looks very conducive to drinking beer and eating carbs without having to watch the poochiness of one's tummy regions, no?

My Youtube Debut

So I have so much to discuss with y'all- Saturday was a huge day- Tron's birthday, Abby had her baby, and Dixie Carter, our beloved Julia Sugarbaker, passed away.  However, all of these wonderful and sad thing will have to wait til later in the week because I am too pooped to pop.
Why?

Because I have spent all of Saturday night and Sunday putting together this video.  I entered this Real Women of Philadelphia-Paula Deen contest, and had to submit a video tonight by nine.  I got done in the nick of time.  Mama, MOH and I drank (a good deal of) wine Saturday and filmed me cooking my recipe I developed- which uses the pimento cheese that I love so! it's super cheesy, but a great recipe so I thought y'all might want to take a gander at it.  Please remember the wine intake, filmed on a point and click camera, and that I am nervous as all get out.  I think that's why my accent is so damn thick, because I swear it isn't that bad in real life!  At least I hope so. . .

Hair and Dress Questions

Ugh, scanner is broken, so y'all will have to wait to see pics of MOH doing important stuff together like prom and going to Sonic.  Also, she wanted me to clarify that the first picture in yesterday's post is from an eighties party.  We were not that old in the eighties and victims of mass amount of botox and surgeries.

Thanks for all the dress compliments ladies!  I wish I had taken a pre-alterations picture, because is was cute but veering dangerously close to MOB territory.  The dress is from Dillards, and the brand is Cachet.  It's not online, and the brand's dresses that are on the website are frighteningly middle-aged.

The dress was taken up about an inch, a fussy belt was removed, and more crinoline was added for extra poof and Betty Draper-ness.  I kept the rest simple with pearls (including the coveted South Sea pearl ring of my grandmother's mother's soon to be mine), and sleek (but big) hair.

Yes, I teased the hell out of my hair (much like I used to do to all the boys, hee- uh, Hubs if you're reading, just kidding!). With the use of a massive amount of hair spray, I was about an inch taller and ready to dance!

Soooooooo, A Needle Pulling Thread!

"Ha, ha, why this old thing?  Oh, it's just something I whipped up the other night."

Since I apparently desperately need another hobby (reading, cooking, exercise, running, painting, and blogging aren't enough), I have gotten the sudden yen to learn how to sew.  I took home ec and learned the basics (ahem, fourteen years ago), but can't remember a thing.  However, if I could sew I could whip up all  the little shifts and sun-dresses I wear all summer, as well as basic sheaths for work! So often, I become incredibly frustrated because I have a specific simple dress in my mind, yet can't find anywhere to buy it.  Post-sewing classes, I will simple create it- voilà!

Then I started perusing dress patterns, specifically Vogue Patterns.   Well, that sealed the deal- check out these dresses, especially the vintage ones like above.  I am in love.

I could have MADE my Nine O'Clock dress.

How cute are these aprons?  Imagine as gifts in cute Amy Butler-ish or vintage fabric?

Yes, please!

Perfect lady lawyer attire, no?

Then there are the Vogue Easy patterns- surely I can do these with a little instruction?  Please ignore the fabric/styling on these and focus on the garment.

I could make these as short as I like (I'm petite and like to at least show a little knee).  The first two above would be great for work, and I would never have to spend money on dreaded work clothes again!  Just add a blazer and I am ready to roll.

So readers, who out there knows how to sew?  How did you learn?  Could a beginner produce any of these with a little teaching and practice?