Nov 2, 2011

On Loneliness

Disclaimer- this is not meant to be a "woe is me" type of post. I want no pitying comments. 

Okay, that being said, this pregnancy thing is can be tough. I can see your eyes rolling- "here goes Captain Obvious again!" 

However, what I'm struggling with is the isolation.  I've gone from dashing around from one event to another to crawling into bed at 7:30 on a Friday night.  I never had this alleged "honeymoon" period that the pregnancy books promised me.  Breach of contract! Promissory estoppel and detrimental reliance! 

This loneliness is self-imposed.  There are plenty of people I could be visiting with, but I just can't move off the couch.  I could make Hubs stay in with me, but (a) that would be pretty unfair considering I'm conked out by nine at the latest, (b) it's football season, and (c) he will have zero social life as well in less than three months when this baby gets here.  This is the point in the story when Buddy pipes in with what a loyal and furry companion he has been to me- very true, although our conversations are getting a little one-sided.

Now the truth is, I have been out of town for weddings, to a football game, for a spa weekend, lots of girls' dinners out, and parties.  It's not like I have taken a vow of silence.  Each of these things has then worn me out for a week.  I think a lot of these blues also relate to the complications I am having with the pregnancy and ensuing restrictions.  Rather than call a friend to go on a stroll, then have to be so nit-picky about where we go (I live in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains, and am not allowed to walk hills- it gets tricky), I just set out on my own (Buddy has been too wild on the leash lately for me to handle safely).

Now, many of you would snort with derision at my "isolation" if you looked at how often I am seeing people.  I think it is just the drop from all activity all the time, to snuggling up alone with a good book.  I have enjoyed that aspect greatly- the built-in reason to stay no to things and rest and read.  I am just ready to be recharged!  (Please do not say "get used to being tired, you'll be tired for the next 18 years".  I've heard it, thanks!).

So there is my whine.  Have any other pregnant ladies felt like this?  I am so envious of you girls who have been energetic and themselves most of the way through- I think that is how I envisioned my pregnant-self, so facing reality has been tough.  If you are still reading, thanks for wading through my whining- and remember- no pity, please! If you have any advice though, I would be glad to hear it!

14 comments:

  1. to be honest, i know my pregnancy has been easy compared to yours lady, but i hear you on the whole "isolation" front--i miss being able to go and do as i please and not have to worry about the wee one and how what i do affects her

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  2. without venturing into "you'll be tired for 18 year" territory, I DO think it's maybe a good thing you are experiencing some of this now to possibly prep you for the absolute immersion in your baby once they arrive. if you were GO GO GO GOGOGO up until birth, it might seem even *more* like a light switch from social to isolated. I'm trying to look on the bright side, though - I'm sure all of the changes that you are going through (body, lifestyle, emotions, etc.) are very taxing but it's totally healthy to explore them!!! :)

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  3. That makes total sense to me. I have been envious of people that are out and about. I just can't keep up!

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  4. I have those same feelings and I think you explained it well. While you aren't complaining, you are voicing your feelings about the drastic change in your social life. Although mine isn't due to pregnancy, I had a change in the time I have to be at work this year. I found myself turning down invites and opportunitites because I was either so darn tired OR so darn worried about being tired. This too shall pass! Thanks for sharing :)

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  5. I think we are due around the same time (2/1/12) and I totally feel you. Even if I have not had a hard pregnancy (so sorry!) I still get those feelings of isolation and decreased social life. Especially the 1st 3 months when I was so sick. Then there is the fatigue, the not drinking (or hiding that you were not drinking) and you just don't feel like being social. Trust me you are not alone.

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  6. I TOTALLY get where you are coming from! I am used to requiring very little sleep, being super organized, quite social, and able to work out routinely. Enter pregnancy - I never have enough sleep/rest, my house tends to be a disater, I forget things on my to-do list constantly, jus thinking about social outings a week away makes me want to crawl under the covers and hide, and work outs... And yeah, the "you will be even more tired for the next 18 years" doesn't help things either. Just a simple, "I am so sorry," would be greatly appreciated. I think IS good training for us with our little bambinos on the way, but this sudden change of life pace definitely is taking WAY more getting used to then I ever anticipated. I woduln't change a thing... but it doesn't make it easy. Hang in there girl!

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  7. I'm sorry you've had a tough pregnancy. It would be so hard not to get the energy back and I know it must be really hard not to feel like yourself. (That wasn't pity - just sympathy!)

    I can definitely relate to the isolation. I think all moms can as I think most of us go through it after the baby is born. I spend all my days at home with B. My husband and all my friends are at work. We get out to go on walks but still it's just the two of us. While I love her to the moon and back, she's not a great conversationalist. :) I don't get out to functions or even out for dinner much if at all because it's so much work to get a little one out of the house and keep on our schedule. Plus, many of the events and things my girlfriends do just aren't baby friendly. I will not pull the Sweet Home Alabama "You've got a baby...in a bar." :)

    It's a big adjustment for someone who is used to being on the go. That said, I've never been happier. I know you'll feel the same way when your little one comes too. I wish I had some advice to help out now but hang in there, Samma! There are only wonderful things to come!

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  8. Yep, sounds like my first pregnancy. Super tired all of the time, sore and never enough energy. I wanted to exercise, but after a full day of work, all I wanted to really do is lie in bed. If you can squeeze in a little walk here or there, that may help. But, take advantage of time to put your feet up, read a good book or magazine. Get a pedicure. Then, when baby arrives, get those walks in with the stroller. :)

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  9. I completely feel your pain. I am 34 weeks pregnant and have been on bedrest for the past 6 weeks. It is very isolating. People are really nice about coming to see me but it's still very lonely. And similarily I don't want to keep my husband home all the time since he will home so much once the baby is born. The isolation and boredom combined with stress over complications is not fun and can be very draining. Hang in there:)

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  10. You aren't alone! I was pregnant last year during football season and spent many a Saturday night reading in bed and turning in at 9 while my husband drank beer and stayed up until the end of the game(s). Part of the process, for better or for worse!

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  11. From a former lawyer to a current one, I know how that lack of energy & drive can be so frustrating. It helped me to remember to be kind to myself - pregnancy just wasn't the time to expect that I could be a go-getter all the time. Once I focused on the benefits of rest to baby and pampering opportunities it gave me (cue reading & pedicures), it was a little easier to go with the slower flow.

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  12. I battled anemia big time my entire pregnancy so I never got my energy back that everyone promised. It sucked. Good thing is, it will return. It's just going to take a while after the baby gets here. Your body is going through a lot (duh I know) but soon enough you'll be back to (semi) normal.

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  13. One of the best things about being tired and preg is that you and the hubs can go to the early bird movies. It's cheaper and no one else is there. We spent a huge chunk of my pregnancy going to movies. It got me home early and now that I have an 8 month old, I have yet to go back so I'm glad I took advantage. :) Random advice, I know. But it's a relaxing thing you can do out of the house.

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  14. You're not alone my dear. I was a tad lonely during pregnancy too. My husband was gone a lot and it was just me and our sick dog in the house all day since I worked from home. Just remember it will be over before you know it. Seriously! And then you'll still be exhausted and life will be even harder (is this sounding the least bit encouraging so far??!!) BUT… life will be SO sweet. Hang in there darlin! It's worth it all.

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