So like so many of you lovely readers, my friends were distraught at the injustice of me not winning the Paula Deen contest (hee). Please note the following e-mail conversation:
A.S.S.: Unfortunately, Slammer did not win Paula Deen's contest, but she did make a great showing!
Me: Yeah, suck it Paula Deen. You are now my nemesis.
Kara: Did y'all know that she wears a wig???
Kinger: Um I told y'all my mom said she was a biatch!!!!
Lippie: hahaha, that's amazing info, kara! i am officially boycotting paula as of now.
Me: Well, I wear wigs on my eyelashes. *
Kara: I mean, you'd think she'd at least pick a nice wig! Her latest "hairstyle" looks almost purple these days...
Lippie: i bet the blue peach pizza girl bribed paula with butter.
Me: Apparently they don't like drunk blonde girls. Paula is threatened- I could usurp her. And I'm younger and skinnier
Hess: (obviously not reading the entire chain): Yeah, her hair/wig looks more purple than gray.
Me: Maybe if I had purple hair she would like me better. . .
*I wear fake eyelashes a lot. Like every time I go out. I may be peeved at Paula, but I can't be a hypocrite.
Poor Paula Deen. She likely had no role whatsoever picking the finalists for this contest, and now she is a bewigged biatch.
I could fit right into this Paula-bashing session. My tweet yesterday did not lie: I mustered up some good Paula vibes ONLY for you. Not a Paula fan over here, until she was about to award you your much-deserved prize, of course! She is back to being banished to the den of snark of ridicule for me.
ReplyDeleteAlso: I need a false eyelash training. Completely inept over here.
"snark AND ridicule," that should've said. You know, bc they're such different things.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Now all of your readers know how snarky our group is - for better or for worse :) By the way, have you heard of this blog? http://blog.mrslilien.com/ Thought you might want to add it to your Required Reading list.
ReplyDeleteI laughed at loud at the wig comment - too funny!
ReplyDeleteHAHAH! You know I love me some Paula Deen, but, the whole not liking cute drunk blonde girls? Insane! She probably was threatened. You'd make a fantastic Food Network host and then you could have your own empire! I like this idea already....
ReplyDeletedefinitely not a fan of paula. i like some of her recipes, but i cannot stand to watch her and tc and i had no interest in visiting her restaurant while in savannah a year ago for our anniversary.
ReplyDeleteloyal friends are the best kinds of friends. and friends that would turn on paula deen for you are obviously the best!
ha ha this is so funny! wigs on the eyelashes = great!
ReplyDeleteLove it.. sad that you didn't win
ReplyDelete:(