Jul 17, 2009

The Bachelor Pad (Dump)

My husband had the foresight to buy a condo in a nice neighborhood after he graduated from Tennessee. Unfortunately, he did not have the foresight to clean the condo. We never spent much time there, and on my mom and I's initial walk through I understood why.

This is what you saw when you walked in- poorly painted dark brown walls, a ceiling which was falling down, and some sort of closet door resembling a confessional-type thing (or what I imagine one to look like- I'm Presbyterian).

As you face the confessional, to your right was a tiny doorway with a louvered door.

See how big I look here? Wide as a house? Suffering from a major fat attack? In fact, I am standing in the EIGHTEEN INCH wide door to the kitchen!! (Also, please ignore my nerdy lawyer disguise of bun and glasses). 18 inches people. That's about a wide as a legal pad is long. Really- who would think this is a good idea? If a rexic had broad shoulders s/he could not enter this kitchen (which is probably considered a plus in the land of eating disorders, obviously I am not familiar). What a disaster.

Here's more of the kitchen. The appliances shown in these pictures don't function. I guess they're just for show. Lovely, aren't they? I especially admire the grease stains dripping down the dishwasher, which is a beautiful antique. The counter tops and cabinets are equally decorated with a mish mash of food, spilled drinks and unidentified stains- absolutely breathtaking.

Oh- you need to use the powder room? Welcome to the guest bath! As you can see the ceiling is falling off. The best part is that those chunks of popcorn ceiling are landing on carpet. The people who lived there before Morgan bought it (they rented it), had a new-born baby. Apparently, they considered the bathroom an appropriate place for the baby to possibly play, so in addition to carpeting over parquet floors (who carpets hardwood !?!?!?!), they carpeted the bathrooms. If you are eating, please come back when you are finished.

Just imagine, five years of boys living there. Poor aim. Carpet. Shudder.

Moving on too the Living Room. He pulled up in the carpet in here at least, so you can see the parquet floors (albeit if you can see through the dust). Please note the level of dust on the table. Its disgusting.

Here's the rest of the living room. Please note the only things hung on the wall for the entire condo are his diploma and a "painting" of Neyland Stadium (home of the Vols). My entire family on my mama's side are artists so this is a personal affront. I don't know what the other junk is. Its all gone now, but I am getting a bad case of the shudders thinking back to this time.

Here's one more pic before I collapse with disgust thinking of the pre-marriage condo. This is the fan in the master bedroom. This is what swirled above my hubby's head every night.

Notice how it looks kin of furry around the edges? That's dust/dirt/who knows what which was piled up about 2 inches thick on the top of the fan blades.

I need to go wash my hair now.

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