Jul 30, 2009

Dog Model Diet

This is my pup, Henry. Well, he's my family's pup technically, as he lives with my parents (we're not allowed to have dogs over 25 lbs at the condo. Henry is my 5th golden, I'm a big dog gal). Isn't he gorgeous? He was a rescue dog we got a the pound, and has the sweetest disposition ever. I adore him. Until last night that is.

Well, Henry has gained a few lbs since the above pic. This is perfectly fine, as when we adopted him he was skinny as a rail due to his time on the streets begging for milk bones for the poor. However, Henry is getting a bit corpulent now, much like his namesake Henry the Eighth. I am concerned that this will harm his future modeling career (he should be the new Bush's Baked Beans dog), so I decide he is long overdue for a walk and some quality time. I pick him up from my parents, for some exercise and a slumber party at the condo.

Henry and I are tromping along the Boulevard, admiring the lake, the beautiful homes, Henry is checking out some nice looking lady dogs.

We've gone a little over a mile and a half, when he decides to stop. He lays down, just off the side of the path (he is a very courteous pup), and refuses to move. He barely weighs less than I do, so there's not much I can do. I try pulling his leash, and end up dragging him about an inch while he grins at me. Panting happily, he is basically laughing at my attempts to get him moving. Finally I walk away from him. I feel awful and am praying that no one spots me abandoning my dog (just like his evil prior owners did to him, sob). He finally realizes I'm serious (ha! fooled you dog!) and leaps to his feet and trots after me. I reattach his leash and we're off! Slowly- I too am courteous.

We stroll along, when out of the blue he just plops down again!! He doesn't fall for the clever "I'm leaving without you" trick this time. Its getting dark, and I am ready to get home and clean the house (watch Top Chef Masters). I plop down in the grass next to him because I have no other alternative. People walking, running or even DRIVING by, stop and inquire if my dog or myself are okay, "Is anything wrong?" (Yes lady, I can't get my hundred pound golden retriever to move, and the championship round of Top Chef Masters is about to start, and I need to go home and clean the kitchen to keep up the pretense that I am the neat one in the relationship before Hubs gets home!). "No, everything is fine" I sweetly reply to all "I've just got a worn out puppy here" (lazy a-hole of a dog who is enjoying the attention).

This happens a couple more times, its almost ten and I am at my wits end. Then it dawns on me. Ha! We start walking on the road, instead of the trail. Possibly due to his life on the streets, Henry is excellent with avoiding cars. I know that my safety first dog will never lie down in the streets. We speed on home, and I immediately get him some cool water, in case he really is suffering from dehydration instead of a bad case of the stubborns. He takes one sip! One!!!

Oh, he wasn't tired or thirsty. He just figured out that if he laid down, he wouldn't have to exercise and I would pet him. I just hope old Henry the genius dog never imparts his wisdom to the Hubs. That could get dangerous.

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